Jennette McCurdy reveals her battle with anorexia & bulimia, how her mom coached her
I know Jennette McCurdy, 26, from Sam and Cat with Ariana Grande, which aired from 2013 to 2014. It’s not that long ago in the scheme of things, but it’s ages for someone in their late teens and early 20s. Reportedly Jennette and Ariana did not get along but Jennette has claimed they butted heads in a “sisterly” way. We know how Ariana’s career has skyrocketed since. Jenette is a working actress with steady credits. I saw her in a decent Netflix series called Between, about a town sealed off by the government in which every person over 22 dies. She plays a young mom and is so watchable and believable in that role. In a new essay for Huffington Post, Jennette opens up about her battle with disordered eating, which was rampant when she was a young actress, and which she’s been in recovery from for about two years. She describes it in such detailed and stark terms that it can be hard to take. She also reveals how her mom coached her to count calories and to be preoccupied with food and her body. It must have been awful to go through. Jenette lost her mom to breast cancer in 2013 and that is part of the reason she’s ready to write about it.
Why she’s sharing her story
I’ve been in recovery maintenance for two years. I’m no longer actively engaging in disordered eating. After spending a lot of time in therapy working on myself and confronting what I’ve experienced, I finally feel like I have the perspective required to write about what I’ve been through and maybe ― hopefully ― it might help someone who is going through the same thing feel less alone. (Plus, it’s been a good few years since mom died, so my quota for trauma sharing is ready to be refilled.)
Her mom coached her to be preoccupied with calories and weight
My disordered eating started when I was 11. As a child actress working in Hollywood, I quickly learned that remaining physically small for my age meant I had a better chance of booking more roles. Unfortunately, I had a trusty and dedicated companion ready to help me with my burgeoning anorexia: my mom!
I always remember feeling that my mom really struggled with my body, weight and diet. She’d regularly compare my size to that of other girls. She’d portion out my meals for me. She’d help me count calories.
She started binging and purging around 18
When I was 18, my mom was diagnosed with cancer for a second time and this time it was terminal. “iCarly” had become a global phenomenon, I had a record deal with a fancy record label, mom was dying, and I just couldn’t handle the pressures of everything happening around me. But this time, instead of turning away from food, I turned to food. Lots and lots of food.
And so began my binge eating phase. I still tracked, calculated and obsessed about every single thing that went into my mouth, just the same as when I had anorexia. The only difference was that I was eating a lot more. I was constantly preoccupied with food. Nothing meant more to me than my next bite and nothing gave me more shame than my last one. I was in a toxic, self-loathing cycle.
She only got praise from people in the industry; her sister-in-law helped her
And during those years ― plus the 10 years before when I was wrapped up in other forms of disordered eating ― not one person in the entertainment industry confronted me about it. Maybe my destructive behavior was obvious to everyone around me, but if they were all monetizing the situation ― and essentially me ― then what incentive did they have to try to change it or help me?
I purged and purged and purged [after Thanksgiving]. Then I swung open the bathroom door and came face to face with my sister-in-law.
“You need help,” she told me. And I knew she was right. I felt a strange combination of terrified and relieved ― terrified that someone knew my secret and I would have to face my disordered eating, and relieved that maybe now I would finally get better.
Jenette described how she eventually recovered. She went to a therapist, wasn’t ready to let go of her disorder, and stopped going until she got serious and was ready to quit. She likened it to breaking up with a bad boyfriend whom you think you love even though they treat you horribly. Sometimes I wonder how many women in Hollywood silently struggle like this, and what price they pay to be in the industry. It just seems like so much pressure, and it would be hard not to internalize it and feel like you can never measure up.
photos credit: WENN and Avalon.red
ncG1vNJzZmivp6x7pLHLnpmirJOdxm%2BvzqZmb2ljZX91e8mepaedpKmyoLnCnKyrnKmUv6bCxJqjrJeYmr%2BgrsCtq6Wdj6y2tbS%2BmqWoqpWttqKrwa6joqWZlqypu9aYn56qj6K8rqvCqJicoJWZrKmx0Wg%3D